Loaded with lots of goodies in it

Sometimes conversations around the fires break into smaller segments, all of them open to participation if one desires, individually or integrally. Fonce and Aiyana were talking about missing pieces and it sounded like one of those subjects that might have enough missing pieces you could embarrass yourself jumping into the middle of. Cana and sleen were talking about a Master who was good with wild things. Well sleen was talking about him and Cana was just nodding. Knowing sleen that could have had a million different meanings and probably none of them I wanted to get wound up in.

I did manage to ask my mentor if I could speak to her about tack. It didn't have to be right then but perhaps tomorrow. In the agreement she also offered me my next task. One that wasn't going to need any gear. I could do that, no problem. She was right pleased I had finally gotten that big dumb stupid head kaiila of mine saddle broke and said it was something to be proud of. I would be once the bruises began to heal. Oh evil, evil wench had to pop up and say I just needed a mate to kiss all the boo-boos and make them better. I almost spit the blackwine I was drinking, straight into the fire. I am soooooo pleased that all the men had wandered off and it was just us women there by then. Damnable matchmaker. I was going to try and wriggle out of that sleek grasp any way I could. Winds let me get caught up on tasks and finish working off trades before she mates me off. Uh no thank you .. err ... one stubborn tuchuk male at a time and Sin was terribly possessive. Just checking to see if I was paying attention my ..ahh .. foot.

I was grateful for sleen's offer to serve. Yes, yes please, more blackwine .. loaded with lots of goodies in it and no .. no hot wax, no open air leathers and no kissing boo boos. It didn't seem to matter, the topic of men was still there when I sent her off only it was someone else that was doing the talking this time. I do enjoy the stories. Amore, agape and lagnia were at times light hearted intermissions from some of the harder tales of pain and loss that they had begun to weave for me. At times ... speaking of death was easier than the depth of emotions that the re-telling of love could inspire. Life doesn't promise mercy any more than it promises comfort. But skies some of the things they can bring up are embarassing, painful, confusing.

Leave it to sleen to go straight for the jugular when she got back. Why did I block out some of the things she said, didn't I once enjoy them as she does? It was not easy to answer openly and honestly there in front of so many but then I wasn't going to jump and run hide my head to avoid it either. Truth was I had more imagination than experience to go on and the other side of my furs didn't offer any extra warmth. A deep breath believng we could go on to a new subject came to a crash when the girl up and asks ... and with a look of complete and total naivety at that ... was I a virgin? No. There! Satisfied? There is a difference between no longer having that shred of maidenhead and knowing the depths of desires. I had no intentions of answering anything further but I did hold my head up high, maybe with a seething insolence straining under the weight of my chin. There was something in her eyes that made it all a little easier to swallow when she told me that one day she hoped someone would give it to me in a hot and desirable way. Oh I do too, sleen ... I do too.

Oh damn, Oh damn, the dam was straining behind all that too. Please! The porcelain patina was crumbling, cracking away in little chunks. Goooo away. Please, just go away. Cana and her soft spoken tests that took me to brinks far beyond the surface of what I did with my hands .. the epitome of all the things that I want so dearly, Akasha with her in your face innocence that she wasn't aware enough to realize that others around her weren't ... innocent, sleen and her brazen confidence in carnality. I loved them all but why were they all not just simply fading into mists. Cana's maternal kiss against my temple when she said good night soothed the fact that I was still here, still very much right there among everyone gathered. Akasha's warm embrace before she went to take her bath had some comfort to it. Raven bounding away to gather water finally left me with Aiyana and sleen. Aiyana and I had grown close long ago so I felt at ease sitting there with her. And sleen ... I found that if you pet that little attention wench she doesn't open that mouth as much.

So we settled in with the glow of the fire shading our features and creating mysteries in the shadows. I have, ever since meeting the weaver liked plundering in her basket, getting up in her space and she has always welcomed it. I rummaged through the bounty of colors offered in that little cubbyhole and asked if I could have a piece of one .. a dusky blueish gray. It reminded me of someone, though I kept that to myself. While we talked, I shared a fond memory from my childhood with her, not in words but something much simpler. Just a little game. She shared with me something of her own, not so much in words but the depths of what I could see in her eyes .. loneliness, sorrows, joys and the delicate lights of friendship, and hopes. So many of the things that must be in mine. She will always be the one person I am closest to. We don't talk often but then .. we don't need to.

It felt like being little girls or maybe giani kittens while we played with the yarn. We even included sleen in the mix. I goosed the girl just so she would open that little bow of mouth and with every bit of wicked intention .. I stuffed a ball of twine between her teeth.

The whole day had been like a bowl of blackwine loaded with lots of goodies in it, strong, sweet, creamy, hot, bitter.