Miracle

She brought no silver, no pomp or style
It was a halo bright sent down from heaven's light
The sweetest gift, a mother's smile
Linda Ronstadt


The whole experience lingers around and inside me still, the scent, the sight, the feel and the emotions. Enveloping my arms around the soft warmth of the newborn melted me right that moment. I had traced my fingers along the small cheeks, touching the miniature oval of his mouth unable to believe that it responded. The tiny pursing of his lips seeking nourishment pulled hard on feminine reins that I had not expected.

We talked of what color his eyes would be. His father's were green and I had to smile in remembrance of another pair that color. I was being strong. I could withstand the lure, not to give in until he wrapped the spidery pink web of his fingers around the end of mine and everything in the universe just made sense. Tarra and Cana say I am smitten but it was pure love. It was the kind of love that I knew nothing could ever shake the foundation of.

I felt a resonant strength inside growing so fierce that it made me weak, a slipping sliding away in my heart and soul to a peacefulness. It is a feeling that I cannot put in words but I am sure there are women who know every flavor of it.

There were other emotions that nibbled at me as well. This .. this was something that I had dreamed of. Something I had spoken of to only one person and remembered the jubilant cry of joy that said it was heard. Just such a precious moment and it rent me inside. Did they .. did anyone hear the searing agony now? I heard the gentle spoken reasurances of the two women who are mentor, nurturer, confidant and friend ...

one day ...

one day when it is time

and I let those words, the sweet intentions behind them soothe a wound that was opening with more pain than I thought I could endure.

This was not my moment. It belonged to another, the one caught within a rim of firelight, shimmering, shining all around her. "Beauty" was now etched supremely in a Mother's smile. I shoved all of those selfish thoughts away to relish that one pure ihn where I understood what .. "life" meant. I saw it behind the light flutter of his downy lashes, I heard it in the whisper of his breath and felt it the radiance of his warmth. I heard something richer, deeper, sweeter. On this world they do not have a word for it, but on my old one we called them angels and I heard them begin to gather in unison, to speak his name before it was even earned.

He was just a new born babe. Women of the harigga have them everyday but I knew this one was special.