Awake

I can honestly say I learned a great deal about dreams today. All kinds. Whether they are vivid color intuitions, pleasant or frightening images while you sleep, the release of reality, or even a desired goal or purpose; the most important thing to remember is that you will wake up.

I thought when I went looking for him that I had something to give, a feel good story. In the end though it had to be either all about him or that left that it had to be all about me. No lines of distinction in between even if if was about something entirely different. Even if it was about the welfare of one small little member of the tribe. He had told me he didn't hear many good stories. What? There were as many of them as there were people of this tribe. All it took was to listen. It all made no sense then suddenly it did. No dream, no fantasy just a stark realization.

Hearing that my destiny had been set, that I should be glad to know what it was, that I had made my choice was eye opening. There was a lot I could have said. A lot I wished I had said but in the end I said nothing. raven told me I should have shut up. That I should have lied. That if I ever tried to get close again she would kick my ass. I could find no reason to conceal truth, not to him, not to anyone. I would not lie, it went against the very fiber of who I was, not just because I am a slave. The last was an easy prominse to make. I'm not sadistic by nature so there is no need to kick the kaiila.

There was no mistake when told my service will be to the boy from this point on, to Me too and whatever family that has taken him in. He is still too young to be a scarred warrior, hasn't earned the right to own anything of his own, so my status of camp slave as far as I know has not changed. I found some comfort in that. It was a good feeling to know that I could be close now and not just a few stolen moments when I could. I could devote my time to him, the time that was not taken with camp chores anyway. Devotion. That had new meaning to me. I stretched languidly into that new found ideal.

The bits that I have were gathered from the slave wagon and wrapped inside my blanket. Moving as a camp slave isn't a hard task. There was only the brush Palla gave me and a few bells left over. When I had them rolled in the blanket safely tucked away, I went to catch up on my duties.Thoughts swam in a fevered fury inside my brain which left me in a daze. But by the end of the day all I knew for sure was ... One, I felt nothing despite the fact that ... Two, I was certainly wide awake.

It wasn't beneath Mistress Cana's wagon or even Master Rook's that I tucked my bed roll. It was a under a supply wagon instead. There I just watched the winds move a few blades of grass for a long time until I heard the small feet moving to where I was. The edge of the blanket rose in welcome and I left the inner part of my arm draped with it when it lowered. I kissed the top of the molasses mop then tucked it beneath my chin with a smile. Maybe I am just a dreamer but I was thinking this time I could just be ...