Emotional

like a chocolate dipped voodoo shelf sitter doll

It was all sensory overload and I don't know why. Why? Even looking back, the knotted tangle will not unravel for me to anything more than leftover discarded strings. Why? New faces gathered around the fires, free and slave alike, each coming into focus for only disjointed fragments of time before fading to another emotion, another sensation, another bit of glass in the kaleidoscope. Straw doll with a new brand. Why could I not feel shame in the sleekness of my thighs? The she-sleens are coming, Honey dipped pain and blackwine coated tears. Isu the newest of the seer's had handed Fonce a warning, touching it over and over again as if it would come to life until he moved it aside from the probing poking. He's been sleeping in the grass, the grass is always greener on the other side. Why was the proud blazeness that they were silky smooth, unblemished, untainted .. bare? Falon hurt me without ever knowing. You can serve me shook a delicate balance in a whisper, dragging me in to tumble over a wall. Displayed as a sexual creature dancing in their minds. Why couldn't she have left me on the shelf. Oh no, no chocolate wrestling though posing in a puddle of mud. His voice slicing through the air almost made me drop the bowl I was filling. She sleen! Had he ... had he seen my dreams? I like noo noo noodle soup scooped up with a spoon. Swimming through syrup, unsweetened and dark. Why couldn't my albeit limited carnality not recreate me to an achingly heated splay? I can feel the beating of a heart in fear. Lochlan was taking Cana away .. away. Restless journey to a peaceful point of unknown. She has never never never been gone. Do you feel it? I can feel it too? Hakan means fire, curling the reins between my fingers, holding on tight. Wrapped in turmoil, delighting in pride, covered in a feeling of unsurity I wept inside. Little girl lost went to a slumber party, eating her curds and words. Along came a chider who sat down beside her to say He's coming .. He's coming ... and it frightened them all away.

Focus. Focus girl.

All that felt clear was that the one person that felt stable to me was leaving. Her assurances that it would only be a few days didn't ease the coil in my throat. I would be allowed to help with Hakan since I seemed to be the only one that could handle him as well as Bluesky and Dumbass. I could help Falon watch Master Tug and we could have a sleep over and spoilhim until he was rotten.

I didn't miss the rest, it just wasn't processing. It wasn't processing like it should have. I could not fit into any logical order or file. I wasn't insane ... I was just emotional and I don't understand ... Why?