I want one!

For the most part I was throwing myself into my work to cover the trade I had with Cana for Sinewy. He was worth every drop of sweat that fell from my brow. Part was trying not to dwell on the boys. I had to trust that it was all going to be alright but I kept listening for the drums. If one .. just one had sounded I probably would have toppled right there on the spot. No fear ... yeah right.

I was taking empty sacks by the armloads from the storage wagons to the stalls amidst hoots and hollers of the men. Curse or compliment ... your choice. I was trying to ignore them. Not everyone has taken well to the transformation. Now and then I have to dodge a grope and there are still some of the freewomen who spit at me when I walk by. I do try to jut my chin higher as I pass but it is not always easy.

You can imagine how quickly my boots traveled when I heard Cana call me. The discriminating bravado sort of diminishes in the presence of elders. Ever notice that? But anyway, she had something to show me. Instantly I began appraising the pelt, the muscle form and health of the animal while I told her of having taken her advice and done some R & R. She admitted she had too. I am still a bit apprehensive around some of the tribe I have not met yet or met only when I was still a slave, so when the singer arrived with her son, I kept close to the isolation pen. That was when I noticed how different this creature was. The milk white of an eye was startling enough. It clutched at something in my chest like a fist hanging for dear life. When I sought the liquid surface of the other one I almost lost my footing. It was ... it was blue. Ciegue. That was what she said she had named him.

I was trying to be polite, to meet the other woman formally and meet her son too. I was but ... I finally had to shake off the effect the kaiila had on me to give the humans the respectful attention they deserved. I'm glad I did. That miniature Tuchuk was laying claim to everything with a lusty declaration ... Mine!. He claimed his new black and white pony, Cana and me. I need to check on those Tribal laws about claiming. I may be promised to a warrior I will have to wait a few envars on. I was fascinated by his enthusiasm though. While the women spoke I reached out to touch his hands, moving them as they held the leather straps in the chubby little fists. How natural he took to the movements. I don't know if it was purely coincidence that his hands moved as I had moved them even after I let go or he picked up the lesson within the bat of a lash. I was spellbound.

I became privileged to the talk of women .. mothers as their faces filled with pride and a glow like no other. Bragging rites claimed for the hi - jinks, mayhem and mischief their children would create years before they were even capable of such deeds. Could you see the Terrible Tuchuk Threesome of Tug, Patch and Wiley storming the gates of Turia? You could have in the eyes of those women .. shining, brilliantly dazzling with the insolent arrogance those warriors deserved.

They spoke of the friendships between boy and his sleen, boy and his pet verr, boy and his kaiila, boy ... you name it .. they spoke of it. They spoke of other things as well. Privileged information that had a purpose behind it and then I understood what it was Cana wanted me to see. It was the gentle pressure behind the twig that carried it downstream. I had a future here .. not just that I belonged here .. now but in that same race to the horizon and beyond. I stood there with tears streaming down my face and a fierce tangled hold on my heart as I realized ... I wanted one.

I wanted a half blue eyed, half unseeing kaiila, I wanted a sleen, I wanted a verr, I wanted someone to love and someone to love me, I wanted a boy and .. and a girl maybe a half dozen ... and ... and bosk and bragging rites of all the accomplishments, the tears of all the trials that come with it all. I wanted a future.

I so wanted to reach out and grab hold of everything and declare with confidence ... MINE!