I've found a new style of warming at the fires, rotisserie tuchuk. Warm the back until the leather starts to sting against the skin then turn a little to let that spot cool while another is heating up. I was doing this while I downed gulps of blackwine and waiting on sleen to bring food. I was hungry, tired and felt parched, demanding she talk to me while I shoveled the bits of meat down. I was doing most of talking not even knowing if she heard me and not caring. I was telling her about the halter, the bit rings, kaiila manicures .. what ever popped into my head and most of it all centered around the beasts. She wanted to know about my possessions. See we switched places about the same time so in a way there is a kindredness. She doesn't want to be free and I don't want to be slave but that fine line in the middle is a place where we can meet. I meant to give her some of the beads Tarra had given me but I keep forgetting. We would both ask if she could have them and it was probably less than fifty fifty odds on who got to ask first. Sleen would probably win but I'd had enough wagering for a while .. well until the odds changed a little more in my favor at least.
When Arigh stopped by I remembered to say tal first. Wheeeee, I'm getting better and better. I asked how the pups were doing and we both screeched to a halt confused. Which ones? The only ones I thought she told me she had when I spoke to her last time about stopping by the see. I don't know why she thought I was only interested in the Ubar's. I like animals, soft ones, fuzzy ones, even one's that don't look like pets. The sleens are cute and cuddly looking when they are little but after listening to the whimpering, whining of Ebet's, I had no intention of getting one any time soon.
When we got around to talking about kaiila, I mentioned my dilemma with the broken leather and she of course mentioned Saresh. Maybe trade a home cooked dinner for what I needed. That might have sounded like a good idea if I hadn't seen that little glint in her eyes. Pff I blew that match out quick. Iffff I ran across him I would try to remember to ask. What is it with all the women around the camp lately?
I know there are many around me that have suffered loss and feel the pangs of grief. I don't know what to do, how to make it all better. I want to but then those lessons of all the things, I can't change, can't fix or make better are still a bit touchy. Do I make it worse trying or do I make it worse not trying? I wound up most of the time just quietly sitting there available if they need me. That works a lot better with someone you know pretty well than with someone you don't know much about. We did laugh about my struggle in learning the sea of names and faces. I do alright with most of the woman but I had already made the mistake of confusing two warriors and congratulating the wrong one in being mated. Right now in both of those men's lives or those around them that care for them, it really would not be a good thing to repeat the faux pas.
Arigh slipped off into the shadows and I remembered quick enough to offer the opposite of those tals before she got out of sight. I mean well honestly yall. Anyway, Akasha joined me about that time all beaming and looking as if she could just float away on a wisp of smoke. She had slept well and felt like a brand new person. I was envious, I'd tossed and turned night after night not remembering much except being even more tired the next morning than when I'd fallen asleep. We were talking about sleep while sleen slid into almost peaceful little sleen slumbers.
For a moment she bowed up on me too asking if I had called her a liar over something I disagreed with her about. I may be a soft spoken woman most of the time and I tend to keep my opinions to myself a lot but ... I can honestly say that when and if I believe someone lies to me that will not have to doubt it. I bowed right back up on her. She soothed the larl claws back in with a gentle nudge that she was just teasing. I think we still have baby claws, they aren't all that sharp yet but we did a nice job of scratching on the post there.
After that we had a wonderful time whispering in sleen's ear and listening to her talk in her sleep. Or I did anyway. But that was also when I realized what Akasha was not talking about. I couldn't explain why I couldn't explain and explaining that was just making her more miserable. Ah ha .. I got it. Talk to Cana.
She realized too in a way why it was so hard for me to talk about what we weren't talking about. Made for the beginning of a wonderful conversation about not not talking and how we both were really bad at it or is that really good at it. The confidences we shared after that brought us closer together.
It is a funny thing sometimes how you can become the expert on something you are trying to learn and learn all that you are trying to teach in the same moment. I think that is the truest definition of friendship right there. I am going to hold on to that until I find a better one. So I am hearing my own voice as I tell her .. be proud of who you are, one with a unique story to tell and I hear her telling me ... never forget your strength. And there was blue in the middle of it all sort of blinking and grinning 'cause she didn't see anything else but two tuchuk women standing there.
Tell me your story .. please. And we did. Mine began I am a woman that came from the stars knowing that this was where I belonged. Hers began that she was proud of her people and her home. She dragged me by the hand to her wagon and I wound up dragging blue with us. The two of them had to have been conspiring for a while to ambush me like that .. wily Tuchuks. Each gave me a gift in turn. Akasha handing me half a blanket that had a most intricate half circle on it, she had the other half. One soul that dwells in two bodies.
I thought blue was going to burst into a multitude of little pieces before she could give me her gift. I was already speechless .. yes me speechless .. go figure. When she slipped the little silver bell in my hand, smoke got in my eyes. Through the choking swell in my throat I told them the story of why the name bell ... cloche ... meant so much to me. It was all I could do to kiss them both and run, not walk back to my wagon, holding the new treasures close to my heart.
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